Battling the fear demon

I live a fearful life. I mean, I'm not being gunned down in the streets or anything (thank goodness, too, because I SUCK at lasertag), but I make fear-based decisions. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of ridicule, fear of insecurity, they all keep me on a specific path that I've struggled my entire life to break away from. I've gotten better at letting go, at taking risks, but that fear still follows me everywhere I go.

• Putting a clothing item back on the rack because I don't think I can pull it off
• Staying quiet at parties because I think I'll say something stupid (which, in all fairness, is usually true)
• Not entering contests because I know I won't win
• Not promoting myself as a writer/singer/lover of the arts because I think people won't want to read/listen/appreciate

At some point we have to let go of one trapeze to get to the other, and there's always that horrible airborne moment where you're not sure if you'll make it to the other one (the trapeze metaphor has always horrified me because I'm scared of heights). But we can't move forward in life unless we do let go and take a risk. Most successful people, whatever their calling, failed more times than they succeeded. After all, it only takes the one "yes."

So how do you battle the fear demon?

Oh, right, that contest thing

UPDATE: ON HOLD

I've led you astray, kiddies. I've been out this week on a little vacay to see the most amazing show of my life. This lovely lady:

So that whole posting a contest thing on Monday did not happen, obvs. But it's happening NOW, so don't feel too bad. And now, without further ado:

JEM'S SUPER AWESOME CONTEST WITH SUPER AWESOME PRIZES ZOMG SO AWESOME!

The Rules:
1) You must be a follower. Old followers get +3, new followers get +1. That's right, I'm punishing you for being fashionably late to the party.
2) You must add a comment on this post. The contents of that comment, you ask?
3) You must list the top three reasons why you think you should win this contest over anyone else. Because I like lists, and much like Donald Trump, I like pitting people against each other.
4) Want more chances? If you blog about this contest you get +1, if you post it in your sidebar of contestness I'll give you +2. You can call me Santa. Show me in the comments that you did it because JEM does not operate on the honor system, being a dishonorable thief herself.
5) I will either pick someone based on how awesome their list is, or I will choose randomly. Or I will choose randomly from people with awesome lists. We'll see.

What the Frag Do I Win? (also known as The Prizes):
1) The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins. Why? Because I am an obsessed fangirl, that's why.
2) The Fame by Lady Gaga. Again, super fangirl.
3) Maybe something else edible and awesome. IF I FEEL LIKE IT DON'T BE PUSHY.

How Long Do I Have to Enter This Awesomeness?
I'm leaving the contest open until midnight CST, 8/13/2010. Which for all you numbers challenged peeps is Friday after next, so you have no excuse for not entering because that is a friggin long time.

I think that's it. Is that it? This is my first contest, so if I've forgotten something just let me know. Have fun, kiddies!

Book Club! Or: how I learned to stop grumbling and love the book

As I mentioned yesterday, I had book club last night for a book that I HATED. I was interested to see how the club would go, since the people in the club all work with books and can sometimes have loftier (*cough*pretentious*cough*) ambitions for their reading materials. It was one of those books that I would classify as "literary," so I knew I would be in the minority of people who didn't enjoy the book.

I went armed for battle, gentle readers, with my weapon store of reasons why I didn't enjoy the book: too many tangents that detracted from the main point, overwriting, no chapters (who DOES that!?! It was sheer madness! Oh, wait. Tangents), a somewhat unlikeable cast of characters, etc. All of these things I happily presented as my reasons for disliking the book. Some people agreed, some people disagreed, some people expounded on my reasoning, others refuted. Good points were made all around (as were dumb ones, you know who you were).

But my take home from the night was this: I enjoyed the book more than I thought I did. Once the discussion started swirling and others in the club made comments that brought new insight, I realized the author had put a great deal more depth into the storyline progression and the main character's motivations than I thought. And while it didn't increase my reading enjoyment (I was done by that time, obviously), it did help me appreciate the work that went into the book and how the author had accomplished what he had accomplished. Without the book club discussion, I wouldn't have achieved the insight and appreciation I have now. And as a writer myself, it's essential to recognize the impact a story has on its reader.

So book club had a positive outcome for me, and added a few more weapons to my writing arsenal. Plus we inevitably fell into talking about The Hunger Games, which made me squee like a fan girl, especially when I read this article this morning.

Is anyone else in a book club? Do you enjoy it? What books are you reading this month?

And as always: a muy happy Friday to the lot of you.

Crap. Now I have to have a contest

I'm in the business of taking the free, gentle readers, have I not made that clear? I don't give the free, I take. Like a bad boyfriend or the IRS.

But then this happened. And you know what? It was AWESOME. FRAWESOME AWESOME. Like the Awesome Blossom, but instead of a half-cooked gooey onion in the middle you get BOOKS!

And I was happy, blog-o-buddies. I was dancing in the street! I was light-hearted and carefree! My weekend was made!

And then I started to feel bad. It's all Halie Joel Osment's fault, really, but now I know I have to pay it forward. I'll think real hard over the weekend to come up with something equally frawesome awesome and post my contest on Monday, but there are few things you can look forward to:

1) I will be grumpy about the giving away of the free
2) The free itself will not be impacted by my grump
3) I'll probably make you do something for it
4) It might involve lists
5) Crap, I don't have a five

Anyway, I'll post on book club later today, but start girding your loins now.

TAHAREH STOLE MY FUNNY

Not because I had the same joke, no, that would be too cruel. But more because I read her post before thinking of a topic for my own and now all I can think is that I want my book to smell like Stephenie Meyer on a horse. So come back tomorrow, maybe I'll have regained my senses by then.

P.S. I have book club tonight and we're talking about a book I HATED (I won't say which one because I don't want to hurt any feelings but this book made me want to punch an old man in the jaw, so I'm interested to hear the discussion). I'll let you know how it goes. Oh, fun! Book club post tomorrow, natch.

P.P.S. Upon further reading that sounded like I wanted to punch a specific old man in the jaw. Not specific. So watch out, octogenarians of downtown Austin. I'M COMIN ATCHA!

P.P.P.S. No old men were harmed in the making of this post. YET.

Shaking the idea box

I have no idea what that title means. I'm just now getting over a very nasty stomach virus, so I can't be held responsible for the things I write or say today. I'm like the Verve Pipe, only less 1996.

My question for everyone today: what do you do to keep track of your (no doubt brilliant) ideas?

Based on the effort it's taken to get ONE book up and running, I'm pretty sure I've got ideas to last me from here until kingdom come, so I'm not really worried about running out of ideas. I do worry, however, about losing good ideas or losing good scene ideas because I'm somewhere that I can't take good notes. I'd love to say I'm organized and have a neat little folder somewhere with all my brilliant story ideas along with character descriptions, scene ideas, and funny/clever lines. However, I think we all know where I'm going with this.

Let's say Martha wouldn't be proud. I have notes EVERYWHERE (and I mean EVERYWHERE): scribbled in random notebooks, saved as unsent emails, a billion word files across three or four different computers (and floppy disks, people, floppy disks), a few random notes on my phone notepad file. And those are just the ones I can remember. Every once in a while I run across an old song notebook or a file aptly titled "Story" and open them up to see a long forgotten story idea. Some of them are good, most of them are not, but they're hidden gems from my own past (does that make them hidden JEMs?). It's fun to find them and discover what I thought was interesting enough to write about at any given point.

I'd like to go back and write each and every one of these stories one day. The odds of that happening are about the same as me not eating this cookie (you can't see it because it's just crumbs now), but I still have high hopes. And suffice it to say my old boxes of stuff from middle school and high school are veritable treasure troves of JEMs.

So how do you keep track of all the brilliant?

Shaking the idea box

I have no idea what that title means. I'm just now getting over a very nasty stomach virus, so I can't be held responsible for the things I write or say today. I'm like the Verve Pipe, only less 1996.

My question for everyone today: what do you do to keep track of your (no doubt brilliant) ideas?

Based on the effort it's taken to get ONE book up and running, I'm pretty sure I've got ideas to last me from here until kingdom come, so I'm not really worried about running out of ideas. I do worry, however, about losing good ideas or losing good scene ideas because I'm somewhere that I can't take good notes. I'd love to say I'm organized and have a neat little folder somewhere with all my brilliant story ideas along with character descriptions, scene ideas, and funny/clever lines. However, I think we all know where I'm going with this.

Let's say Martha wouldn't be proud. I have notes EVERYWHERE (and I mean EVERYWHERE): scribbled in random notebooks, saved as unsent emails, a billion word files across three or four different computers (and floppy disks, people, floppy disks), a few random notes on my phone notepad file. And those are just the ones I can remember. Every once in a while I run across an old song notebook or a file aptly titled "Story" and open them up to see a long forgotten story idea. Some of them are good, most of them are not, but they're hidden gems from my own past (does that make them hidden JEMs?). It's fun to find them and discover what I thought was interesting enough to write about at any given point.

I'd like to go back and write each and every one of these stories one day. The odds of that happening are about the same as me not eating this cookie (you can't see it because it's just crumbs now), but I still have high hopes. And suffice it to say my old boxes of stuff from middle school and high school are veritable treasure troves of JEMs.

So how do you keep track of all the brilliant?

We now return you to your regularly scheduled random

1) When I swat a fly or a mosquito I feel like King Kong on top of the Empire State Building.

2) I miss my childhood. I don't think I appreciated it enough when I had it, but I want my boring summer days watching The Andy Griffith Show and eating microwaveable burgers. Those were the days.

3) I always get stuck next to the chatty people wherever I go. I think this is cosmic punishment for being so easily distracted.

4) Hallmark commercials make me cry.

5) Reading The Hunger Games has made me aware of how thoroughly I am unprepared for a nuclear apocalypse. Or a regular apocalypse.

6) I'm terrible at multitasking, but I keep trying it like I'll suddenly be a different person who can do it well.

7) When I finish a course in something I tend to think I know everything about that something. It's been long enough since I had a math class that I now think I know how to do all math. This is probably not true.

8) Number seven is definitely not true.

9) I find myself in the same numbers quandry as my last list.

10) Ten! Schmappy Friday, everyone.

Famous first lines, interpreted

And if you don't like them, you can call me Ishmael.

Pride and Prejudice

Look, man, I’m about to lay some truth on you: a single brother P.I.M.P. who be ballin and rollin must be looking for some bitches.

A Tale of Two Cities

Brothers were rollin and brothers were fiendin, cats were making mad moves and cats were getting locked up, homies had faith in the system and homies were breaking the laws, it was black versus white, it was white versus black, it was an east coast/west coast thing.

Catcher in the Rye

You really want to know to know this shit? You probably want to know where I come from, what the streets did to me, how my parents rolled out before I was even kickin around and all that 50 Cent bullshit, but homie don’t play that, for real.

Slaughterhouse Five

This shit was for real.

Fahrenheit 451

Let me tell you, man, I loved blazing it up.

When slang goes awry

I'm all about the slangination. I like shortening words, elongating words, adding "ness" and "tion" and "tor" to words and names. And I've written about this before, but my dog has learned to just respond to the sound of my voice because I call her so many nicknames she can't possibly keep up. So this comes from a place of love for the art.

A little language lesson. Saying "vaca" when you mean to say "vacay" is detrimental to your health and your odds of me not laughing at you.

Why?

Because "vaca" means cow in Spanish. Yeah. Cow.

So when you say "my vaca got approved" or "I'm headed out on my vaca" or My vaca is so awesome!" it mean something TOTALLY different to me. On the other hand, I'm glad you've got such cool livestock.

BACK! in the saddle

It's been a rough couple of weeks, blog-o-buddies. Work, family, holidays, working on holidays, I've had my fill. But this weekend was the first weekend in a long time that I actually didn't have a whirlwind of plans to steal my time away. Which meant...oh, yes, that's right...WRITING TIME!

I'm in a weird writing place right now. I'm editing the current WIP, but doing some pretty major overhauls to the two MCs and their interactions with each other. I got excellent feedback from the P-i-C and my first beta reader, and I'm working to incorporate their suggestions into a bigger, even more awesome manuscript. Which means creating new scenes, completely scrapping the dialogue from existing scenes, and copying and pasting huge chunks of other scenes from one Word doc to another. Fun!

But it felt sooooo good to make some headway again. I even took the train this morning for the first time in two weeks and got a solid hour of uninterrupted writing/editing time. It's like I'm becoming a real girl, lovelies! Plus, if I want to avoid that sophomore syndrome, I better start shaping up my timelines!

What about you? What are you happy about on this blistering Monday morning?

STOP GIVING AWAY AWESOME STUFF WHEN I'M TOO BUSY TO ENTER!

Dear Blog-o-buddies:

We've had good times together, I know we have. You've said some funny stuff, I've said some funny stuff, we've laughed, cried, cringed, eaten way more ice cream than the FDA recommends. We're buds, I believe that.

So I can be real with you. Life has been, in a word, CRAZY. Crizazy. Which unfortunately means I've been too busy to make the desired rounds of my favorite blogs. But I try to check in on the Google Reader and see who's saying what around the hinterwebs. And I'm noticing a disturbing trend.

You're having contents. Cool contests. With fun things like ARCs and pretty books and maybe a fun doodad or two. Okay, I get it. Contests are fun. Contests make people happy. Heck, contests make me happy.

But you know what doesn't make me happy, blog-o-buddies? When you have awesome contests that I can't enter because I'm too mother-fudging busy. It's like you all got together and decided to pass out all the fun books when I was out sick from class.

I'll kindly ask you to cease and desist with the awesomeness until I'm at a point where I can enter your fabulous contests again. I think this is a perfectly reasonable request, don't you, gentle readers?

Sincerely and with much love and hope of fun cool things coming her way,
JEM

P.S. ALL YOUR BOOKS ARE BELONG TO US.

Why statistics work 60% of the time, every time

I read a great post on Maggie Stiefvater's blog yesterday about the odds of getting published in this industry. She makes the very good point that many of the submissions literary agents receive are unsuitable for public consumption, and while some of her younger admirers despair of ever being published in such an environment, she thinks the odds are greater than the numbers we're seeing.

I took a statistics course in college and learned all about distributions and average means and mean averages and  margin of sampling error and all that somewhat math related stuff that makes my brain cry. I also studied marketing and market research, focus groups, etc., and so I'm inclined to agree with the great Maggie. The basic feeling about statistics is that you can make them say whatever you want.

With that in mind, I have some very useful Friday statistics:

1) I enjoy Fridays 100% of the time
2) 75% of people who don't work on Fridays are on my "to hate" list
3) 36.2% of this Friday will be spent slacking off
4) 100% of that last comment was a lie
5) Fine, 52.6% of this Friday will be spent slacking off

See? Math is fun!

Happy fun Fridays, everybody!

On baseball, writing, and life

The partner-in-crime is borderline obsessed with baseball (the borderline is just my way of being nice, he's full on crazy), and while I lovingly tolerate the 70 some-odd games I'm subjected to during baseball season, my post last week about statistics got me thinking. I'm not sure how I feel about him loving a game that encourages under-achievement.

Take their batting averages, for instance. When someone says they have a "3-0-0" batting average, they're not talking about 300. They're talking about POINT three zero zero. Which, statistically, equals 30%. Which means they hit 30% of the balls that come their way. And that's a good batting average. You're getting into the A-Rod/Big Papi/Pujols range with that one.

But think about it. What other job on earth would reward 30% achievement?

"Scott, you found over 30% of the safety violations in our nuclear plant. We're giving you a promotion."
"Jane, you've landed 30% of your commercial flights successfully. We'd like to double your salary."
"Bob, 30% of your students passed this year, we're making you Teacher of the Year!"

This leads rather nicely into writing as a profession. Because as soon as I thought, "What kind of profession would reward such low achievement levels?" I had my answer. Writing. We're all crazy enough to keep at it even though the statistics are against us. And I'm not just talking about the statistics of getting an agent or getting published. I'm talking about the statistics of sell through, statistics on a second/third/tenth book, the statistics of making a living as a writer.

The bald truth is, the odds are MAJORLY against us. Spell check doesn't want to give me majorly, but it's clearly never seen Clueless. And yet, with the deck stacked against us, we're all here. Yeah, we know the odds. Yeah, we've seen the numbers. Yeah, we've gotten the rejection letters.

But we're Still. Here.

Which leads me to life. And more specifically, the human condition. Because let's face it, life ain't easy. The more we progress as a society the more existential our struggles become. It's not enough to have a roof over our heads, it has to be a nice one. It's not enough to have food on the table, it has to be organic and rare and maybe imported. We set the bar high, my friends. But it's helped us achieve great things as a species. And some of the best and most successful books have risen out of the ashes of an author decimated by struggles life threw at him or her.

Which is why, odds or no odds or against all odds, we keep trying. Baseball players keep stepping up to the plate and writers keep stepping up to the keyboard. We know the numbers, we  know the odds, we know the likelihood, but we're all still here, typing and swinging away. Dreaming and hoping and revising and crying a little and triumphing. Because we all know what greatness can be achieved by beating life at it's own game.

Baseball, obviously.

Don't forget to register!

For WriteOnCon, of course! Registration opens today, go here to join in the awesomeness with a side of awesomesauce.

If only someone had EXPLAINED beforehand...

So, I don't know if many of you know this or not, but revisions are HARD. Like, WAY hard. To which I say: what the what, man? I did all the hard work of plotting, writing, replotting, rewriting, moving stuff around, holding imaginary conversations with myself in the shower. Isn't that enough, great write whale of a muse? Isn't that enough?!? WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?

Apparently more character development and a stronger relationship between the two MCs. Siiiigh. Fine. But now I have to go back through ALL OF THOSE CHAPTERS again and tweak and add and delete and stand back and tilt my head to one side and then shake my head and erase everything and then throw my computer against a wall and have some vodka. I'm good at plotting, I'm good at moving a story forward, I'm good at adding in little mini-stories that keep the main story interesting. What I'm not so good at: character motivations and romantic interactions.

Don't get me wrong, I know what makes a guy hot (uh...sorry if you're reading this, Dad). But putting that down on paper...way harder than I thought. And what's even harder to guess is how other people will react to a character. Obviously you shouldn't write to please other people, but it helps if you want to sell any books. And figuring out how to get your story from "pretty good" to "holy crabcakes I couldn't put the durn thing down" is nigh upon impossible.

So I've been in kind of a revision funk. Not sure where to take my characters, not sure I'm doing enough, not sure I'm not doing too much, etc. If you're in revisions, how do you move yourself out of the rut?