Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Horrible fortune cookies

Because I'm feeling random and grouchy today.

I got a fortune cookie yesterday with this fortune: "Old dreams never die; they just get filed away."

What the crap is that? It's not inspirational, it's not prophetic, it's not even funny. It's mainly sad with a side of bittersauce. And for the universe to send such a fortune to someone who's trying to be a WRITER? Not cool, universe. Not cool.

So I thought I would take this side of bittersauce and turn it into a whiskey sour! That has bitters in it, right? Whatever, insert whatever drink has bitters in it there, then. I figured I could top that fortune with even more passive-aggressively negative messaging. Feel free to contribute your own in the comments, I know you peeps are hilars.

You will find great love in the wrong place.

A great fortune will befall you. The IRS will get half.

You will look better today than you did yesterday.

Through failure you will find more failure.

Write fortune here.

Sigh, I clearly missed my calling.


Tere Kirkland said...

Yeah, I've noticed a rash of fortunes that are more like proverbs or adages. Where are the old standbys: "You will make a name for yourself," or "The coming year will bring you much happiness"?

How 'bout:

Your arrogance will get you in trouble some day.

Hold tight to your dreams. Soon they'll be your only source of happiness in an otherwise dreary existence.

Too dark? ;)

JEM said...

Uh, I laughed out loud at work when I read this. Definitely not too dark.