Because I'm feeling random and grouchy today.
I got a fortune cookie yesterday with this fortune: "Old dreams never die; they just get filed away."
What the crap is that? It's not inspirational, it's not prophetic, it's not even funny. It's mainly sad with a side of bittersauce. And for the universe to send such a fortune to someone who's trying to be a WRITER? Not cool, universe. Not cool.
So I thought I would take this side of bittersauce and turn it into a whiskey sour! That has bitters in it, right? Whatever, insert whatever drink has bitters in it there, then. I figured I could top that fortune with even more passive-aggressively negative messaging. Feel free to contribute your own in the comments, I know you peeps are hilars.
You will find great love in the wrong place.
A great fortune will befall you. The IRS will get half.
You will look better today than you did yesterday.
Through failure you will find more failure.
Write fortune here.
Sigh, I clearly missed my calling.