Why I like the Olympics

The movie Cop Out looks terrible, but anything that puts Ram Jam in their trailer might deserve a chance. Probably not. But might.

I was watching the Olympics (sadly not including the Passive Aggressive Race) the other day when my partner in crime inquired why I was interested in such goings on. He commented, mostly correctly, that I am not a big sports fan. However, there are several reasons why I enjoy watching the Olympics, and just for you I'll share:

1) The Olympics are like the Super Bowl of obscure sports. These people are the best in their entire COUNTRY, gentle readers! And then they compete against OTHER countries to determine who is the best in the WORLD! The only way this could get better is if the amoeba they found on Mars could participate in speed skating.
2) The ever present threat of the crash. Like a beered up Nascar lover I wait, every shudder of a ski, every wobble of a skate giving me hope that the ordinary run I'm watching could turn into a montageable clip. And barring the recent tragedy in Vancouver these crashes are usually only bruising to the ego and tailbone, making them safe to watch.
3) There are some cool and weird sports out there, and I appreciate the Olympic committee for bringing them to my attention. Curling was previously only a sport at Oscar parties, Moguls were invading Europe (wait, are those Mongols?), and Shooting was something you were sent to jail for doing. Now these terms carry a whole new meaning for me, and Curling even got its own Simpsons episode!
4) Olympic sports were made for my short attention span. Who wants to sit around watching a four hour baseball game (Seriously, why? Speed it up, lazies!) when you can watch an entire event in 5 minutes? And then, when you get tired of that event, they'll switch over to another, and then another, and suddenly I'm learning about keeping your legs straight on the luge, gaining air on jumps, and the mad syncronization that is relay speed skating. It's like the appetizer platter at a chain restaurant!

In short, I'll be enjoying my Olympic games tonight, fo sho.